As I continued on to the living room I thought about exactly how long it would be until things got...easier. Then I realized what would have to take place to in order to reach that "easier someday."
Someday will be years down the road when my husband and I are all alone and the News is always on to drown out the deafening silence. The silence that used to be the sound of puppy nails clicking on the hardwoods and the pitter patter of little feet running through the house.
Someday will be when my grandbabies come to visit and leave their little handprints all over my storm door. Except I won't have the heart to wipe the handprints off. I will leave those little handprints on the door and long to be twenty seven again. I will long for my hairy, messy, crazy, chaotic, exhausting life that I am wishing away right now. I will long to find little handprints on my door and Cheerios in the oddest places and dog hair...everywhere.
Someday the mailman will drop a package off on my front porch. Out of habit I will anticipate three dogs barking like banchees followed by Crew saying "dog!!" signaling naptime was yet again cut short, but instead I will only hear silence.
Someday the thought of Crew's chubby little baby hands reaching for mine will make my heart ache.
Someday I will long to read "Goodnight Nobody" just one more time.
Someday I will long to fold little socks and brush little teeth and feel needed again. I will long to snuggle up with my dogs at the end of the day and wake up to Crew's happy squeals and babbling every morning.
Today I realized that today is perfection in all of its hairy, sticky, crazy, messy glory. I choose to embrace today...little handprints, dog hair and all.